"Why I will vote Liberal"

Ok, now this is more than a little exaggerated, but it's funny so I'm posting it.

As I've said before, the Liberals better not hope for an Ontario-wide snow storm on the 23rd of January because it is going to be only the really, REALLY pissed-off people who will get out and vote, like my buddy Lee who sent me this.

More importantly, let's say Harper wins. Does he realize the extent to which his core supporters are counting on him to totally overhaul the way things are done in this country?

How can he possibly live up to expectations?

WHY I AM VOTING LIBERAL

- Because I believe in the extent to which the Official Languages Act is carried out and enforced; that every public servant even in the most remote part of B.C. should be fluent in the French language, but that government business in Quebec should be in unilingual French.

- Because I believe that only lawyers from the province of Quebec are qualified to be prime minister of Canada.

- Because I believe that the federal government should be completely controlled by the province of Quebec.

- Because I believe that all criminals are just poor misunderstood victims of society and can all be easily rehabilitated in a very short period of time; and that only they have "rights"; not the victims of their crimes.

- Because I believe that hardened criminals like Karla Homolka should be pampered by living in a "cottage" with her own key and be allowed to have pajama parties and go out on shopping trips; and that killers in prison "resorts" on the Pacific coast should eat filet mignon, have barbecues, go whale watching and have their own golf course, while our senior citizens have to eat left over Kraft Dinner.

- Because I believe that mass murderers under that age of 18 should be protected by the Young Offenders Act and the rest of us law-abiding citizens do not have the right to know who they are.

- Because I believe in bringing hundreds of thousands of unskilled people into Canada from third world countries every year so we can support them on welfare and so that they will vote Liberal; and that this number should be increased every year.

- Because I believe that it is fair that the province of Quebec is the sole province allowed to be in charge of its immigration policy; that they receive 5 times the amount of federal immigration money than does Ontario, even though Ontario has to teach those people how to speak English whereas Quebec only allows immigrants to enter who already know the French language.

- Because I believe that we do not have a right to own land in Canada, as it is under Liberal law.

- Because I believe it is only fair that Liberals steal as much tax money as they can from us; through every conceivable means from the HRDC boondoggle to the 2 billion dollar gun registry that does not work.

- Because I believe that if my family is the victim of a home invasion I should not have the right to protect them in our own home.

- Because I believe in huge government bureaucracy and extremely high taxes, as I believe that the government knows how to spend my money better than I do.

- Because I believe in having essentially no military because everyone loves us and we will never be called upon to protect our country.

- Because Jack Layton is not a lawyer from Quebec so he is not qualified to be prime minister; besides, he smiles too much.

- Because Stephen Harper is not a lawyer from Quebec and he and the Conservative Party of Canada have a hidden agenda and they are very scary people.

- Because I believe that we should alienate our neighbours to the South because all Americans are morons and know nothing about Canada; and that we should continue to align ourselves more closely with our true friends, France, China and Russia.

- Because I believe everything that the Liberal controlled media tells me, especially the CBC.

- Because I believe that no one should ever be held responsible or accountable for their own actions in today's society. It is always someone else's fault.

- Because I believe that we should not expect newcomers to our country to accept or adapt to our culture and traditions and customs; and that we should not wish each other "Merry Christmas" in case it might be offensive to some.

- Because I have the IQ of a doorknob and am easily sucked in by Liberal scare tactics and propaganda; and am easily bought off with my own tax money.